I feel like everyone has that epic moment in their lives when they feel like it’s time for the next step.
For some, it’s attending a friend’s wedding, or coming out of relationship after relationship and realizing that it might be time to settle down. You could be sitting at the desk of your monotonous job, after getting reamed out by your boss, and realizing you have had enough. Perhaps, you are visiting your sister at the hospital after the birth of your first nephew, and wanting to have one of your own babies as soon as tomorrow.
It feels like it’s one moment, but in fact it’s a conglomeration of factors that push us to the edge, and out, of our comfort zone.
For me, I always knew what I wanted. Married by 25, a job in some health care related field, 3-4 kids and probably one almost as soon as I got married. I got married when I was 24, right after graduating with my degree, and got a job shortly thereafter. Check.
My nephew was born later that year. I loved him; my husband and I both did. He was so cute and cuddly. I pretty much saw him every day for the first month. In hindsight, that must have been so irritating for my sister.
We wanted a baby, BUT we also didn’t. Financially, we weren’t ready. We wanted to travel and spend time with each other. I had just started working and didn’t want to take maternity leave so early in my career. Plus, we were 24 and 26, what was the hurry. My parents understood that; my in-laws, not so much. They assumed that once we were married, I would start popping out grandkids. Within a few months of our wedding, my father-in-law joked about when he might be a grandparent. I joked right back: not for a while yet! Thankfully, this was cleared up super-fast and further awkwardness was avoided.
Years passed, and nosy relatives and family friends kept asking when we were adding to our family. Don’t get me started on how annoying that is by the way. We wanted children. We loved kids. But we also liked just us.
It wasn’t until a defining moment at work that I realized I need to have kids sooner than later. When I first started working, much to my chagrin, patients and customers would always comment on how young I looked. I felt like they judged my ability to work and perform based on my youthfulness, so I personally wasn’t a fan of this discussion. Then, it was one busy evening when a father approached the pharmacy counter with a question regarding a medication for his daughter. He called out to me, “Ma’am! I have a question.”
I froze. Ma’am?!?! Nobody had ever called me that before. After I answered his question, he continued to make me feel ancient as he referred to me as the “nice lady” to his daughter. Then I started noticing it. I was no longer “nice girl”, or “Miss” and nobody questioned my age anymore. I hadn’t realized it, but over the years, I had made the timely transition from girl to lady… from Miss to Ma’am. At some point, unbeknownst to me, I had become prepared to take on the role of motherhood. Note that I did not say that I was ready; one can never be ready for the insanity that children unleash.
Ready or not, it was then that we finally felt it was time for us to have children. A decision that, in spite of all the current craziness, I have never regretted.