As you know by now, I have 2 sons and no daughters. My parents are grandparents to 5 boys – no girls.
Of course, this isn’t unheard of, but the reactions to me not having a daughter are often surprising. I have heard comments like “I’m sorry to hear that”, to “Maybe next time.” Sometimes just the sympathetic look is enough to express their sentiment. I had a friend who insisted that I only wanted three kids because I didn’t have a daughter yet!
Truth be told, there are moments where I think about how I would like to have a daughter. They are, however, few and far between. It’s mostly during moments like when I see little baby girl clothes, or have a heart-to-heart with my mom and wonder what it will be like when I’m older with no daughters. Who will tell me if I look bad in outfits, or that my hair needs to be coloured because it’s grey? Those are the moments when I wonder if my sons will ever fill that “void”.
But then, my 6 year old tells me I look beautiful while I am sweaty during a workout. We play superheroes together and build Lego. He helps me clean and cook and has serious conversations with me (as serious as conversations with a 6 year old could be). He helps me when I am shopping for clothes and I forget the momentary lapse in thankfulness. More often than not, I actually find myself being happy that I don’t have a daughter. When I see those godforsaken ugly bows on a little baby girl’s head, or toddlers with makeup and nail-polish, or the 8 year old girls in church with shorts that barely cover their asses, I say thank God.
I am not into a lot of feminine things. I love fashion, but I don’t own a single skirt. I like getting my nails done, but most of the time I don’t have any polish on. I hate wearing makeup. I like superheroes, playing video games and talking about cars. What if aside from the horror of seeing a mini-me walking around in, well, mini shorts, I can’t relate to her? What if that mini-me isn’t really a mini version of me at all? My husband insists that my daughter would be like me, but I honestly think she is more likely to not. What if she ends up hating me because I don’t understand why she has to cover her beautiful face with caked on makeup? Or worse, she thinks I am a washed up frumpy dumpy mom. I know that this seems selfish. But I feel like if God is going to be doling out daughters, maybe he should give one to someone who really, really wants one.
Also, since I have 2 boys already, a daughter would be spoilt nonetheless; but she would also not have any sisters growing up. I had a sisterless friend that went through a miscarriage – and I realized how hard it is to not have someone to talk to about periods and pregnancies, etc etc. I texted my sister to tell her that it would have sucked growing up without her. I know you can have friends, but a sisterly bond is irreplaceable. Don’t get me wrong; if I had daughter, I would love her to bits. She would probably wear an ugly bow on her cute baby head. She would be spoilt but keep the 2 boys in line. She would be smart and feminine and we would have a strong mother-daughter bond, even if she thinks I am a frumpy dumpy old mom. My point is, don’t pity me because I don’t have a daughter. I am not without a precious daughter; but instead I am with two amazing sons.