Pandemic AND protests. Oh 2020…
As we approach the halfway point, I am sure most of us can agree that this has been a whirlwind of a year so far. As with any new year, we started off with high hopes. But that quickly took a turn as we entered the most impactful pandemic of our lives. Countries and economies shut down. People lost loved ones to a complicated virus, and lost jobs due to an economy that had been forced to come to a halt. Vacations were cancelled, and weddings postponed. Doctors’ appointments were delayed, and important projects put off. Schools shut down. Life stopped.
When I was on maternity leave, I wished that I could continue to stay home after it was over. Not dealing with the anxiety of work and not sitting in over 1 hour of traffic daily made me a much a calmer mom and person. I was so much more likeable and pleasant, and I felt like I had more time to spend with the children. So, when I would return to work after my yearlong maternity leaves, I would feel like that life was a dream, an ideal that I could never really have.
When “quarantine” started and we were forced to stay home, part of that dream started to feel like reality. It was wonderful. I could spend time with my kids, and I was less tired.
But over time, what felt like a dream started to feel like a nightmare. I started having bad dreams in which I was trapped and started to feel like it was a representation of our lives. I was able to go to work, but the anxiety for mine and my loved ones’ safety was starting to eat away at me. That dream was short-lived and had at some point started to transform into a nightmare. I had replaced my earlier stress of driving and working with other anxieties. I was so conflicted. I wanted things to go back to the way they were, but I kind of liked how much better things are now. This stark contrast is hard to fathom.
So that’s where I was in this pandemic. But then I looked at the silver lining of the situation. Yes, this was scary, but maybe we needed that break; that jolt to remind us to care for ourselves, our families, and our planet. And although we had to social distance ourselves, it was inspiring to see humanity, the entire world, work towards one common goal. The touting of kind behaviours and love being spread overwhelmed the ugliness of this disease in my mind. Despite this, I am still consumed by the juxtaposition of bad feelings, and how surreal and dream-like this all feels.
Then came the cherry on top. Racism and discrimination. News articles switched gears from COVID-19 and pandemic headlines to horrific stories of murders of black people and indigenous peoples. Hatred flooded the news yet again. Strangely, and sadly, this was closer to “normal,” but I don’t think this is what we meant by “back to the way things were.” Here we were in a state of surrealism again, and we were entering nightmare territory. How can humans have so much hatred for one another based on the colour of their skin? How can discrimination still be present in a society that claims to be so advanced on so many other levels? When will this end? As the movement of “black lives matter” continues to grow it is surprising to see how many are fighting for “all lives matter” and are so miseducated and self-centred. Social media has gotten ugly. Society has gotten ugly. It is amazing how GLOBAL issues like racism and pandemics show true colours.
I am not white. I cannot speak to white privilege. But I can say with certainty that this must stop.
Unfortunately, racism has been around for way too long but as far as I can remember this is the first time most of the world has gathered to protest racism. Amongst all the darkness, there is a light. Even though humanity is falsely divided by races and religions, we have managed to bond together to fight for change and awareness.
I recently saw a Facebook post that shared photographs of a lot of the major tragic events in 2020 so far. Most of the pictures highlighted the effects of the pandemic and the antiracism protests like mass burials, frontline workers and violence; but there were also powerful images of homelessness, the senseless killing of a pregnant elephant, plane crashes, wildfires destroying forests and of course, terrorism. I found the pictures disturbing and painful. There’s just so much going on in the world. It’s hard for an adult to digest and can leave a lump in our throats. It’s frightening to think of what kind of world our kids will be living in when they are adults. How do we tell our kids about all the nightmares life has to offer? They need to know so they can be resilient and strong; but how do we educate and let them experience the pain without crushing their dreams? Prepping your children for the small ups and downs in life is hard enough without having to explain pandemics and racism to them. But such is life, and the not-so-pleasant part of parenting.
At the risk of sounding contrived, Martin Luther King Jr. “had a dream,” and perhaps this nightmare of a situation can point us in a direction where change can happen, and we can get to that dream.
I have seen numerous quotes and articles talk about how maybe humanity just needed to pause during this pandemic. The last few months have felt unreal and sometimes I wonder if I am just having a bad dream. Maybe we are all stuck in that same nightmare. Stuck in our ways of being miseducated about racism and so focused on our busy lives that it has taken a pandemic and protests to become self-aware.
The best way to end a nightmare is to wake up. In a way, we were sleeping, and now we are awake.