Last time, we discussed the pregnancy uglies. Today we are going to focus on the “bad” side of pregnancy.
So, what is the difference between the “bad” and the “ugly,” you ask?
To me, the “ugly” parts of pregnancy are the physical manifestations that make the 9 month journey more difficult, whereas the “bad” parts are the invisible signs that we can feel and experience, sometimes without public knowledge.
I wasn’t really the type to complain when it came to pregnancy, but these are the “bad” things that I experienced.
Pain
Now I know nothing can compare to the pain of giving birth, but nobody told me that aches and pains started early on in pregnancy. Logically, it makes sense; your body is changing and stretching to accommodate the baby, and getting ready for 9 months of hard work, and of course, the big day. Nonetheless, the areas where I experienced discomfort surprised me. Three words… Round ligament pain. I had never experienced a sensation like this, and the first time I felt it, I was really worried something had happened to the baby. Over time, I got used to it; and I even figured out different ways to stand at my job (I stood all day) that would help take the pressure off. I ALSO had back pain with each of my pregnancies. It was a pain in my tailbone that started so early on in pregnancy that it couldn’t possibly be related to the weight of the baby. I remember clearly that the first time I experienced this kind of pain was in my first pregnancy was when I was only 14 weeks along. I had gone to a concert with my husband and one of our couple friends. I suppose I had ended up standing for longer periods of time and in heels at that; upon getting home, I couldn’t move I was in so much pain. By the time I got to my third pregnancy, I knew how to get past the initial pain and walk it off when I changed positions. However, it was constant, and every time I got up, I had to hobble a little before I could start walking normally. I also had leg pain which felt more like a general tired ache. Of course, the leg pain became more pronounced as the pregnancy progressed.
Gestational Diabetes
I have been fairly open with my experience with diabetes on my blog and Instagram page. I hated having gestational diabetes. It wasn’t easy, but I survived. As I have mentioned before, I had GDM twice with my two last pregnancies. Having diabetes while pregnant really changes the experience of pregnancy, and admittedly puts a huge damper on the whole miracle. Not everyone who knew I was pregnant, also knew that I was diabetic as well. I kept it on the down low. I poked myself with needles 3 times a day at work, without a majority of the staff even knowing. I casually monitored my diet and went for walks as if that was part of my normal life. It was hard to go through it like that, but honestly, I may have found it harder to have been treated differently or had people walking around on eggshells because of me. “Quick, hide the candies, the prego diabetic is on her way!” Yeah, doesn’t sound awesome. Of course, there was also the stigma, a very untrue misconception that gestational diabetes only happens in women who eat too much, or in an unhealthy way. And finally, the guilt that I had, thinking (rightfully so) that every uncontrolled sugar reading was doing harm to my unborn baby. Needless to say, both babies are healthy now.
The Trifecta - Extreme Fatigue + Mood Changes + Depression
I cannot discuss each of these concepts separately, as they are so intricately intertwined kind of the like the serpents on Medusa’s head – pure evil, I tell you! I was very tired through at least the first trimester of all my pregnancies; in fact, I was pretty much sleeping all day. With each pregnancy, I just got more and more exhausted. During my most recent pregnancy, I would come home from work – sleep, wake up and eat dinner and then go back to sleep. I would lie on the couch and do the whole “mama’s just lying down” act, but then inevitably pass out. It was quite depressing.
With my first two pregnancies, I was actually a very pleasant person. It wasn’t until my third pregnancy that my emotions had boarded a roller coaster called the Cuckoo Express; and by cuckoo I mean, she be crazy! Having two children already, I was definitely more on edge and angered faster. I was impatient, followed by being instantly guilty for feeling that way. At the beginning of the pregnancy, however, I was literally on a nose dive to sadness. Which brings me to….
Depression. Although I can say that it didn’t reach the point of clinical depression and I never required medication, I had not experienced sadness this deep with any of my pregnancies. I felt sad. When I was awake at home, I would watch clips of Kardashian videos to keep myself entertained, and then would cry about how pathetic I had become. Honestly, and please withhold judgment, there were times that I didn’t want to be pregnant at all. BUT I knew that it was hormonal, and I had faith that this fog would lift as the pregnancy progressed. And in retrospect, I myself was not aware of how sad I truly was until I entered the second trimester, and the stark contrast in my feelings opened my eyes. I had a friend that was pregnant with me (we had our babies 6 days apart) and she confided in me that she was strangely very sad with her pregnancy. It was not like her first pregnancy. It was nice to have someone that could relate and understand, and these occasional texts from her made me feel less alone.
So, there you have it, the “bad” side of pregnancy. And like I said before, when you stare into the eyes of your newborn who stops crying at the sound of your voice, all this “bad” stuff just seems tedious. In my last pregnancy, however, my daughter wouldn’t stop crying right after birth…. maybe she had some “bad” aspects of being in utero that she was disgruntled about. Who knows?