I stared at the wall for a long time; for some reason, the tears wouldn’t stop. I didn’t know what had happened to my child. The little almost-four-year-old angel had turned into a demon boy. He screamed a lot; tantrum after tantrum.
“He’s only three,” they would say. “He’s just a kid.” “He’s hungry, he’s tired.” “He’s the middle kid and needs more attention.”
I was a middle kid myself, so I could empathize; but it was no excuse for his insane behaviour. He was the first to hit in any conflict situation. Now he had even started biting; he recently bit his older brother on his back hard enough to leave a bruise. His anger was out of control; he would scream while saying mean and hurtful comments… Like “don’t talk to me, I don’t like you, I don’t want you.” I tried everything: threats, hugs, anger, love, being silent and letting the tantrum run its course, distraction… But nothing seemed to work.
I feel like anyone reading this is under the impression that I am going to give a solution for how to deal with tantrums, but sorry to disappoint you… I have no effing idea.
This particular day was very bad. He had about 8 tantrums… And the last one he had that afternoon was a doozy. He started hitting me, which was something he hadn’t done before. He was using a Kleenex box to attack me; four times, to be precise. I remember it exactly. I replayed it in my head about 50 times for the rest of the day, and cried every time. I cried at the disrespect. If I or any one of my siblings had ever behaved like that to my parents, I swear we would have gotten the crap beat out of us. But that was a different time, when spanking and hitting your kids was acceptable and the norm… A different time when kids didn’t have the gall to hit their parents. I cried at the hatred in his eyes that I cannot forget. I get upset when I think that strangers don’t like me; can you imagine if it’s one of my kids??
I cried at the sacrifices I had gone through. My body, my time and my mind had been about my children for years. And this is the thanks I get! Such ingratitude. I felt so unappreciated. But mostly I cried because I was sad to see him like this. What happened to him to make him so angry? Why was he so upset all the time, and what in his mind made him feel like he was being treated unfairly? I cried because aside from obviously being overwhelmed, I didn’t know what to do. Just chalk it up to yet another time when I felt like a failed mother. I decided not to talk to him. The silent treatment. He noticed that I started crying and didn’t care and was more concerned if he should continue his time out for 3 minutes or 2. He kept saying “Mama Mama,” and I ignored him. He was visibly getting annoyed but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had put up with enough and if I said or did anything else it would be something I regretted. I made him lunch and the only sentence I uttered to him was “I am not talking to you anymore because you are rude and disrespectful.” Needless to say, he probably didn’t understand it all, since he was three and has no idea what respect is. But he wasn’t even fazed that I wasn’t talking to him. He got ready for his nap and didn’t react to the lack of hug or smiles or “I love you’s”; then he went to sleep.
I sighed a sigh of relief that the nightmare was temporarily paused, and a sigh of sadness that the only one bothered in this situation was me. About half an hour into his nap, he got up and was confused, clearly upset by who knows what. I had every attention of being cold and unforgiving. He kept saying I don’t want that, and said he was scared. I didn’t know what “that” was and I wasn’t entirely sure what he was afraid of. His day had been difficult too… I don’t think kids enjoy throwing tantrums. It could have been a number of things that were bothering him.
I looked at my baby boy. I hugged him and held him close. I whispered… Everything will be ok. He nodded, relaxed his furrowed brow and smiled a little. He went back to sleep in minutes.
He may be crazy. He may be angry. He may be almost demon-like in his behaviour at times. But he’s my son. And as his mother, I can never let him feel like he’s alone. Will he do this all again? Yes, probably even as soon as within a few hours. But that’s what a parent has to do. Never give up on your kids. And as much as I felt like a failure for not being able to help him through his tantrums, I felt like a winner for being there for him when he actually needed me and was scared.
Anyways, back to Google searching how to deal with preschooler tantrums…